You were not used nor neglected. I loved you with my whole heart and felt like I will protect you with my life. Your smile, your hug and your amazing hands. I will miss you my amazing real love. I want you to be happy! I will love you always as tears are building up in my eyes as I finally deal with the past. Take care of yourself my past.
I can’t eat and I can’t sleep
I can’t breathe and I can’t meet
Anybody worth talking to
Worth crying to
Worth driving to
I feel empty and alone
I feel angry and I’m so
Tired of shit tired of being a misfit
I wanna live and I wanna Die
I wanna smile and I wanna cry
I wanna hold you in my arms
I wanna
I’m on my way back home from a tough weekend of work. I can’t explain my depressed feelings. The only way of explaining of how I feel is a huge dark cloud consuming all that was once bright in my life. Nothing is worth while anymore. I despise and also envy the people around me who manage a smile and wealth. I am exhausted of stress and always feels like everyone who sees me judges me negatively. How do I escape this? How do I appreciate life and all it entails? How do I become optimistic and someone people want to be friends with?
So I figured it is time for me to make a note or two. Let us begin with the basics of South Africa.
I love my country! I will almost go as far as to say that I might, just might, die for the cause. I find it odd that the “saviour” of the world, known as the US, has not imposed on Farm Murders,crime, racism etc. Why not? They are so “nice” in helping Afghanistan in their battle? Why has NObody acted for the people who are dying and living in absolute poverty in Zimbabwe? Oh, wait, they don’t have oil. What has become of the human conscious? Is money all that matters? People who truly try to help are mocked and not assisted in the least!
Dear Lord almighty. I apologise for being a hypocrite. I sin all the time even though I know that you are watching. As long and hard as I may pondering and justifying may actions I realize that I’m doing wrong and that I wish I could be who You would want me to be. I drink and smoke nut still say that You are may saviour. Please God, guide me.
This morning I’m feeling quite down. Things are broken and I’m really in need of a therapist. I’m not sure how I became this depressed person. I guess I ( like most), feel like I could have done so much more with my life. I’ve said this before and will say it again, one day, when/if I’m old, I want to look back and think that I really did my best in life. Unfortunately in my industry it is not acceptable to be down and depressed. Note that when I say depressed I really mean the clinical term, I have been diagnosed. It scares me that the things in life that people find important are in logical terms a waste of time! I wish I could be that popular person who everybody wants to be friends with, but I’m not. Humans pressure each other to be something that is accepted by the majority. I feel Fuck That! People commit suicide because they don’t fit in! What is wrong with people! Create your own definition of cool, awesome, legit, dope or whatever people say these days. I often read the latest news and hardly find anything positive. Apparently I’m “EMO”.. What the fuck ever that means. Am I pessimistic? Maybe.. But it seems you have to be this “Barbie” or “Ken” to be part of this group.. Fuck that shit.. Seriously! I’m apologise for not being very Happy Clappy but this blog is hardly read..So whatever right? I have a huge yearning to meet HUMANS who are friendly and considerate. Ever read about murders, rape etc? Welcome to South Africa, a beautiful country plagued by hatred, racism, corruption, rape and murder.. We do not deserve this beautiful world.. Humans think they are very important.. This is why I love animals, they don’t hate or discriminate, they only kill for food or protection and for example a dog, is ALWAYS happy to see you! There a clever people in this world, for example the Rector of the University that I attend. He is a very intelligent man, but unfortunately uses it to come across as “I know everything and you don’t” statement. Have yourself a great day. Cheers.
Have come to the conclusion that nobody reads my blog. That sucks but is actually ok in the same breath. I write to get my emotions and feelings out.
Here I go for the last weeks views.. A SABC cameraman has been assaulted by ANCYL members. So much so that blood was streaming down his face. WTF? Is this the way to send a message? The President`s state of the nation was less than pleasing, and our budget set by Mr. Pravin Gordhan is for the lack of a better word, a fuck up!
It seems that those people who said that the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, were on the ball. Yes, the rich are getting taxed more, whatever. The fuel prices are killing South Africans! Well, those who can afford vehicles anyway. Who is gonna kill corruption? Who is going to fill potholes and fix the medical situation? Shocking!
After 1994 we all figured that we are moving forward, but it actually seems as if we are repeating history.
Done complaining today. Make your own deductions. Vrede
We all have phases in our lives. You are born in phase 1 and so it continues. Sometimes a phase passes quickly, sometimes it takes longer. I wonder if the phases ever stop or will you always continue. Does your journey through the different phases of our lives end only when we pass on? Hmm thinking.
